The Chronicles of Randomness
by Spirithunter
Summary: What happens when the horses make a pact with the warriors? Will the clans survive the attack of the burning Twinkies? Can Firestar become a Pokemon master? Find out here! First in a series of one. Please R&R!
1. The Lake, the Razr, and the Starbucks

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors. I only own... oh, fine. I only own the books, which don't exactly count... and I don't own Starbucks, either.**

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The four clans were finally at their new home. As Graystripe breached the hill, he saw the lake… "OMG THERE'S A LAKE I NEED TO HAVE A POOL PARTY!" he cried as he backflipped down the to the lake. Meanwhile, Cinderpelt was watching for Starclan. "Starclan has spoken! They have ordered us to have a party in the lake!" 

"BREAK OUT THE LEMONADE!" Graystripe cried. Then he pulled out his Razr phone and text messaged everyone, "D0es ne1 have a b34ch b4ll 0r 0ther p001 t0y5?"

"I do," Tallstar replied from is camera-and-video-flip-phone-with-access-to-the-internet.

"Break em out!" Graystripe told him, with a bunch of emoticons added on the end.

Suddenly there were beach balls and umbrellas and water wings and inner tubes and noodles and kickboards flying everywhere. Riverclan were busy inflating the water wings and the beach balls, Thunderclan were pitching the umbrellas, Shadowclan were preparing lemonade, and Windclan were ordering the clans to do things so they could get to the lake first. Soon everything was set up, and the lake was filled with cats.

"WOOHOO!" yowled Bluestar. "Where did you come from?" Firestar asked. "HELP THERE"S A DEAD CAT IN THE LAKE!" But no one heard him. "How could I miss out on a pool party?" said Bluestar. "And I brought Starclan with me!" Suddenly Starclan was splashing in the lake with the other four clans. "TIGERSTAR GIT!" Firestar cried. "No." Tigerstar replied. "Go away!" "But I'm having fun!" Then they started playing Marco-Polo together.

"NO MY RAZR IS GETTING WET!" Graystripe yowled. "No it isn't," Silverstream mewed. "Why?" "You don't have one." "Oh." "But if you want one, I found it on the Thunderpath back at home." "YAY my Razr!"

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Firestar and Sandstorm were sunbathing together. "This is a nice towel," Sandstorm commented. "Spandex," Firestar said. Sandstorm looked shocked. "And 99 percent Egyptian Cotton." "Oh…" "OMG MY FUR"S ON FIRE!" "No it isn't, it's just bright orange. And very hot from the sun." "But…" "Live with it. You should have been named Firepelt or something." Suddenly a saber-toothed tiger appeared out of a wormhole and disappeared again. 

"FIRESTAR! Come over here!" Tallstar cried. "What is it?" I've been asphyxiated by the beach balls and stuff I brought, and I am going to die. Tell my clan that as of right now Mudclaw is no longer deputy, and Onewhisker is." "Okay," Firestar said, nodding. Then a beach ball attacked Tallstar and he lost his last life. "NOOO!" Firestar wailed. "Thunderclan! We are at war against the beach balls! Commence fire NOW!" Then all the cats pulled out their laser guns and shot the beach balls into oblivion. "Yay! We won," Graystripe cheered. "I'm buying rounds for us all." "Um…" murmured Bluestar. "Don't do drugs," Cinderpelt said cheerfully. "I WANT COFFEE!" Graystripe mewed. "OOH COFFEE!" Sandstorm yowled. "Where is Starclan territory?" "You mean Starbucks?" "Yeah." "Over there." "ATTACK!"

"Hello, can I help you?" the cashier asked kindly. "I would like… let's see… how about a tall caramel macchiato (sp?), a grande dark coffee any kind, a mocha frappechino, an espresso brownie, and an iced whatever-that-third-thing-on-the-center-menu is," Firestar purred. Then Graystripe ran up, leaped onto the counter, and yelled, "I want one of everything!" "Graystripe how will you pay for that?" Firestar growled. "I won't." "Traitor!" "Tunnels do that to you." "What!" "The beach is landlocked!" "Last time I checked…" "HEY MY ORDER"S READY! YAY!" Then Graystripe pounced onto all the coffee stuff on the counter. "Fresh-spill for everyone!" "Yay a successful purchase!" Cloudtail purred. "Caffeine…" Brambleclaw said in a sort of hypnotized voice. Then he spazzed out. Then all the cats, nice and full thanks to Graystripe, plodded home. Even though they didn't exactly know where it was.

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So how was my first chapter of randomness? Please review! 


	2. The Chapter with No Fitting Name

Yay! I got the next chapter up! I hope you like this one as much as the first. Not really any spontaneous happenings, just an overload of randomness. Please enjoy or I'll start mispelling things on you. I no sevral peepol hoo wood hate that. I dont no how much u wood...**  
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**I... oh, fine, I don't own Warriors. **

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That night, the clans were sleeping in a copse of trees within the Horseplace. Except for Thunderclan, who were too high on caffeine to sleep. Graystripe was text messaging everyone with his Razr, which set all the other cats' cell phones off. Unfortunately, everyone was a lot, and the phones were all set on vibrate. A huge earthquake occurred. Tallstar pulled out his camera-video-flip-phone-with-access-to-the-internet and accessed the internet. The news said that the earthquake was an 8 on the Merchalli scale. "We're all going to die!" he cried. "But Tallstar, you are dead," Firestar mewed. "No I'm not." "Yay!" "I was faking to make this story seem more like Starlight." "Oh." "So I'm alive." "Well, good. Now let's get away from here!" The two leaders moved all the clans away from the epicenter of the earthquake until they were six meters (a/n let's pretend this is Canada because that place ROCKS!) from where they used to be and they couldn't feel the earthquake any more. "Yay!" Brightheart cheered. Then a fissure opened up and Firestar fell in and died. "NOOOO!" Graystripe cried. "Wait, were you going to die in Twilight?" "I don't know," Firestar called to him. "Because the blurb for it said, 'and for one beloved cat, the end is coming all too soon…'" "I don't know, and if I did I wouldn't tell you." "Aw…" "But you are leader now! And I hope Starclan is listening as I say these words before them. Graystripe, from now on, you will be known as Twitchystar." "Yay!" "Twitchystar, Twitchystar!" Thunderclan chanted. "Um…" Twitchystar muttered. 

Then one of the horses came over. Twitchystar jumped on top of it and yelled, "Giddyup, horsy!" "No," the horse stated. "And my name is Horsie, not Horsy." "Hey let's make a pact," Hawkfrost suggested. "Why would you want to make a pact?" Squirrelflight yowled. No one cared because all the she-cats thought Hawkfrost was hot, except for Squirrelflight, of course. "Horsie, if you let us ride you and the rest of the horses, we won't shoot you." "Okay, sounds good," Horsie whinnied. "But…" Squirrelflight protested. "We're riding them and giving nothing in return." "Exactly," Hawkfrost mewed, then flew off. "Um… Brambleclaw, your brother has issues." "That's why I want to know him better so I can fix them." "You want to know him better? Well now I don't want to love you anymore." "Um, Squirrelflight, this isn't the real series we're in. This is a messed up version of the books, so anything can happen!" "Oh, really? Cool. Well then I'm going to bring my father back to life!" "NOOO!" Twitchystar yowled as he flew across the horseplace thanks to his new rocket boosters. "YESSS!" Squirrelflight yelled back. Then suddenly Firestar appeared. "Hello, Graystripe." "No my plans failed thanks to you meddling kids! Now I'll never be leader."

"It's okay," Firestar purred, "Actually, I only died because the evil authoress Spirithunter wanted me to in order to scare the audience into thinking that I would never be a Pokemon master." "You're a Pokemon master?" Graystripe said. "What's Pokemon?" Firestar replied. "Oh well. Come on let's go ride the ponies!" "Yay!" the Clans cheered. Then everything was okay and the clans lived happily ever after. Until…

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I hope this was worth the wait! Random ideas for future chappies are appreciated! But I'm sure I could still fare on my own... and like all my other stories, no reviews are necessary to get another chapter up. Reviews are simply appreciated. Now have fun while I get on a sugar high thanks to my dad who just gave me eight Hershey's kisses... 


	3. Hawkfrost's Horserace

**Disclaimer: I give in. I don't own Warriors. But I own _da Randomnez!_** **Mwahaha! **

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The former Twitchystar, now Graystripe again, sat up in his special box, with a microphone on his desk. The risers around him were filled with cats waiting for the race to start. He was the announcer (as he was the only cat who could talk fast enough) for the horse race. There were eight contestants: Firestar with his horse, who was coincidentally named Starfire, Hawkfrost, Sandstorm, Tigerstar (because Firestar had made friends with him at the pool party and because Hawkfrost wanted to race his dad), Squrrelflight (because she wanted to race Hawkfrost), Onestar, Leopardstar, and Tawnypelt. It was all thanks to Hawkfrost that the race was possible. The medicine cats sat in a corner with their stand of concessions. Cinderpelt was in charge of the grill, which was good because Leafpool had wanted to be the grill master (so she could play with the fire, a.k.a. "the shiny dancing lights"). 

Graystripe began the count-off. "5… 4… Pi… 3… Phi… 2… 1… BANG!" he yowled. The stalls' (that the clans built with the brambles that were growing in Thunderclan's new camp) doors were opened and the horses were off. "Ooh, Firestar is in the lead! Tawnypelt is neck-and-neck with Onestar! Oh, Leopardstar passes by Squirrelflight! Oh, wow, and Tigerstar takes the lead, now followed closely behind by Firestar… and now Hawkfrost passes into second… wow, what amazing weather! I mean horses! And amazing racers, wow! It's like we have opposable thumbs!" A few cats looked up at Graystripe with an odd look, then turned back to watch the race. "Wow, now Squirrelflight is in the lead… Onestar behind her, oh, now Hawkfrost is back in the front ranks! Firestar is last… no, now Leopardstar.. never mind, Tigerstar, now Firestar again… yeehaw, now the last three are tied! They're all almost at the finish line… those horses are looking mighty tired, folks! Come on, cheer for your favorite! Wow, those who betted for Hawkfrost are looking lucky… who will be the winner?"

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I don't know! Who will win? Vote for your favorite racer and let's see if you're right! Winners get a Wildstorm (my inner warrior) stuffie and a cookie. Good luck! Also, I'd like to apologize for the short chappie, but the next one will be much longer! Now shoo, go turn your bets in!  



	4. TWINKIES!

Aaannnd... here it is! Chapter 4! Sorry I haven't updated for so long. First, I was in New York for over a week. Second, I didn't have time before that. Third... um... whatever. Anyways, enjoy this very serious and suspenseful chapter!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors.** **Nor have I ever been obsessed with them in anyway or plotted to steal them. No, really. I swear.**

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"Tawnypelt is coming up… she's in first… a few mouse-lengths from the finish line, folks!" Graystripe yelled. Suddenly he cried, "Holy Starclan it's an evil purple snail!" 

Tawnypelt was instantly distracted, allowing Tigerstar and Squirrelflight to pass her. But then the snail dashed across the track, going at about 30 miles per hour, and the horses were spooked. All of them. But Squirrelflight managed to bring the sanity back into her horse (which was hard to do because she herself was insane) and continue. Suddenly Tawnypelt teleported to the finish line. "Aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnndd… Tawnypelt wins!" Graystripe yowled. Everyone cheered. Even Leafpool, who had been skulking around because she couldn't use the grill. "That's it for the race, folks. Have a great day! Wait… what's that on the horizon?" "It smells like preservatives!" Mothwing cried. "And chemicals! And Deathberries!" "Mothwing, maybe you smell deathberries because there's a bush of them a little ways away," Leafpool mewed. "Oh well!"

Meanwhile, cats were getting confused and disoriented. "Look! They're birds!" a cat cried. "No, they're apples!" another growled. "What?" Firestar said, confused.

"No…" Onestar gasped. 'They're…" "EVIL BURNING TWINKIES!" Graystripe cried. "RUN AWAY!" Then cats were darting everywhere. "Wait, get on the horses!" Hawkfrost demanded. "What?" the horses snorted. "Please?" Hawkfrost asked (looking rather similar to Puss in Boots). "Fine…" "EVERYONE GET ON THE HORSES! GRAB YOUR SWORDS!" "We don't have swords!" an apprentice sobbed. "Grab them anyways!" Hawkfrost ordered. Then a bunch of wooden swords appeared.

Soon the fight had begun. "Nooo we're going to lose Helms Deep!" Firestar cried. "What? How?" Sandstorm asked him. "Because Saruman is leading them! And he's got s'mores!" "NOOOOOOO!" Then Sandstorm began to cry. "We're all going to die," she sobbed. "No we're not!" Brambleclaw cried triumphantly as a bunch of random video game and TV show characters flew into the fray. "Yay we're saved!" Sandstorm purred. Then she climbed up a tree and blasted a bunch of the evil twinkies with a fire ball. But that didn't do much because they were already on fire. Then she showered them with water and half of them burned out and died. Suddenly Sandstorm got a cape and pointy hat with little stars and moons all over them. "Yay! I'm a wizard!" she yowled. Then she continued to blast the Twinkies with water. Meanwhile…

"I"VE GOT THE S'MORES!" Graystripe yowled. Everyone cheered. They got s'mores from Graystripe and began to attack the Twinkies with them. Soon, all the twinkies were dead. And lying in the center of the battlefield was a shiny, round object…

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Gasp! What is it? Is it... iron? A plane? A... well, you'll see! 


	5. Firestar and the Pokeball

Yay! New chappy! It isn't all that funny, but it will allow me to be very funny next chapter. Mwahahahaha!**  
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Disclaimer: I give up.** I don't own Warriors...

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"Ooh… shiny…" Firestar mewed hypnotically as he slowly stepped toward the object. "Firestar? Is something wrong with you?" Sandstorm asked as she magically appeared beside him. "What? Why?" he said, breaking out of his trance. "Your eyes are purple." "Oh." "Oh? If your eyes are purple shouldn't you be running around frantically screaming for help or something?" "No." "What? Why not?" "Because I got contacts this morning." Sandstorm blinked. "Contacts?" "Yeah. Things you put in your eyes and they can change their color. Isn't that cool?" "Ooh. I want psychedelic ones!" "Umm… anyways, my eyesight was failing anyways. I mean seriously, I'm already ten books old! Hardly anyone else is that old! You and Dustpelt and Graystripe and me, but that's about it. Anyways, back to being hypnotized by the shiny thing over there." Then Firestar resumed being hypnotized and saying "Shiny…" while walking slowly towards the object on his hind legs. Sandstorm got freaked out and poofed away. 

Firestar finally reached the object. It was a ball… red on top and white on the bottom with a big button in the middle. "YAY BIG BUTTONS!" he yowled, then pressed the button. Suddenly the ball burst open and a strange yellow creature appeared in front of him. "OMG IT'S A GIANT YELLOW ELECTRIC MOUSE! YAAA!" Firestar began racing towards it in an attempt to catch it. "Pikachu!" it cried as it zapped him. He lost a life, but Firestar didn't care because he had eight more before game over. And he had a feeling he could find another one somewhere around here… it was a new level and he hadn't found any yet. He sighed. Then he picked up the ball and threw it at Pikachu. Then it hit him—it was a Pikachu. That was a Pokemon. And he… was a Pokemon trainer! He yowled with glee. Or something. He started singing "Gotta catch 'em all" as he ran around the lake hunting for more Pokemon. He realized that suddenly his life had meaning.

Starclan sent Firestar a dream that night, telling him that Sharptooth was actually a Persian and had only been knocked out, and now was alive, and that he had to go catch Persian. Then they told him of the art of catching fish, mice, shrews, dogs, birds, and tons of other stuff with Pokeballs. Then they gave him a Pokedex and a belt with five more Pokeballs. He woke up rearing to go. He started by running in place, doing push-ups, treadmill, and eating ice cream, all the time chanting "Gotta catch 'em all" under his breath. Then he called a Clan meeting. "I need help catching Pokemon, friends. All the leaders are Pokemon trainers now and are going to compete every full moon during the Gathering. Every Clan will specialize in different types of Pokemon, our types are electric and fire. Now for the choosing of my comrades. I choose… you, Sandstorm!" Then he pointed to a bunch of other random warriors and apprentices. They soon left camp to catch Pokemon.

The moon was full. It had eaten too much cheese for dinner. And was ready to go on a diet for the next few days.

Firestar had his Pikachu and had caught a Growlithe (which bugged him, since it was a dog), the Persian-Sharptooth that had come back to haunt the Tribe, the legendary Zapdos (which Graystripe, on his return, had tried to eat), and a Charmander. His first battle was against Blackstar, trainer of Dark, Psychic and Ghost types. Firestar sent out Pikachu and Blackstar sent out Abra. Pikachu won because Abra couldn't do squat. Except he could, because that's what he was doing the whole time—squatting. But Firestar didn't care. Firestar eventually beat all the leaders and a big celebration was held. "Firestar the Pokemon Master!" Thunderclan cheered. But the leaders were angry and were booing and chanted, "We'll beat you next time!" Firestar didn't care and changed his contacts so his eyes were turquoise with black specks. Suddenly he began to glow red and grow in size. He was evolving into…

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I dunno. You tell me. No, seriously. Free admission to the Pokeblast next chapter if you tell me... 


	6. The Ultimate Crossover Chapter!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Warriors, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Harry Potter, Shrek 2, or Lord of the Rings!  
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…A fern! "GAAH!" Firestar cried. "What's happened to me?"

"Divine intervention?" Tigerstar suggested.

"Go away, Tigerstar. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"Not as far as I'm concerned."

"Well your mother was definetly a hamster, 'cuz you definetly inherited her brain!" Sandstorm yowled. Tigerstar growled.

"Where'd ya come from anyways, Tigger?" Graystripe asked.

"I need to find a shrubbery or I'll have to cut down a tree with a fish that I'd probably wind up eating," he replied.

"Oh. Well there's a nice shrubbery over in Twolegplace."

"Really? Thanks!" Then he trotted off.

"Wow… he really is hamster-brained," Firestar said.

"How are you talking if you're a fern!" Graystripe asked, bewildered.

"I dunno. I'm a magical talking fern?"

"That would make sense."

"Um…"

Sandstorm then decided to change the subject. "Hey, how about a game 'o Quidditch?"

"Okay! I don't even know how to play but oh well," Graystripe mewed.

"Just fly around on your broomstick and throw the big red ball around."

"Works for me." Then they began playing Quidditch together.

Meanwhile, Firestar was wandering about the forest, trying to figure out how to become unfernified. He stumbled into another cat. "And you would be…"

"PUSS! …in boots," he purred.

"Ah. Wanna be a warrior?"

"Nah, that's okay. Do you want a rapier and cool hat with a fuzzy feather? I have an extra one."

"Well, I can't use it cuz I'm a fern, but… sure!"

"Okay. And if you want to go back to normal, just go see my pal Gandalf over there."

"The white twoleg over there?"

"Sure."

"Okay, thanks!" Then Firestar walked off toward Gandalf's direction. "Hey, dude," the wizard greeted.

"Yo, dawg," said Firestar. "hey I want to be a cat again. Can you help me?"

"Sure. Just let me finish this song… I love my new iPod…" then he started snapping his fingers and dancing around. When the song was over, he turned his iPod off. He waved his staff around, and a puff of smoke appeared around Firestar. When it faded, a cat was standing in place of the fern. "Yay! Thank you!"

"No problemo, dude." Then he turned his iPod back on, but on some shades, and started rapping. Firestar, confused, hopped on his flying carpet and flew off to watch Sandstorm and Graystripe play Quidditch.  
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The randomness continues! I like this chappie much better than the last one, I hope you did too. Now review! Puss in Boots walks up and does his big eyes thingy


	7. Firestar and Bluestar

**I OWN NOTHING!**

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It just had to be then when the piranhas attacked. "AAH!" Firestar screamed. "NOT THE EVIL FISHIES OF DOOM!" He totally lost it and spazzed out. Suddenly a beanie baby appeared and all the piranhas got scared away. "Thanks beanie baby," he purred.

It suddenly turned into Bluestar. "Ya lost a life, ya know."

"I did? Oh. Okay." FIrestar blinked. "At least I still have two lives left."

"What? No, you have seven."

"I thought I had eight."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did."

"What?"

"I only lost one life."

"No, you've lost two. Remember Scourge?"

"No, I have seven lives, not two!"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

"No, you were saying I had eight because Scourge killed me, but you're forgetting about the piranhas!"

"What? No, I said you had seven lives left."

"But I have four."

And so on, blah, blah, blah. This went on for several hours, when Bluestar finally gave up and pulled out her palm pilot. Then she got bored, put it back, and pulled out a laptop, and began playing Pinball.

"Ooh! Fun!" Firestar cried. He shoved Bluestar aside and went onto and began playing The New Prophecy Quest game. "Hey this is fun!" he yowled.

Now Bluestar shoved him aside and began playing. "Hey, I'm good at this," she purred.

"No, really?" Firestar gasped sarcastically.

"Hey." Then she logged off and began to play around with the site. "'Meet Erin Hunter'," she read. She clicked on it and began to read. "What? They claim they invented us. Humph." She explored a bit more. "Well, at least they drew us and our home well!" she exclaimed.

"Gimme!" Firestar wailed as he shoved Bluestar over once again. Annoyed, she rolled her eyes and took out her Game Boy and began to play Mario Bros.

"Where do you get all this cool stuff? It's not fair!" Firestar wailed.

"Yes it is. What else are we supposed to do? We're dead! It's not like we're _always_ sitting around thinking up these impossibly confusing prophecies."

"Uh-huh. Anyways, can I have the laptop?"

"No. My prophecy-generator is on there!" Then she gulped and looked around, shifty-eyed. "I… um… never said anything about a prophecy generator on my laptop I stole from the CompUSA in Victoria," she muttered guiltily to the readers.

"Wait, why is there a CompUSA in Victoria?" Firestar asked, puzzled.

"I never said anything," Bluestar growled. Then she turned back into a beanie baby and disappeared.


	8. Chapter 8

The Latin in this chapter is real, folks. I dare you to figure out what it means.

**I own Warriors. Mwahaha. **...fine. I don't.

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Firestar was still baffled from his strange conversation with Bluestar. Not only that, but, as it would be, it was April Fool's Day. So Firestar decided to forget about it and play pranks upon his beloved Clan.

"Would thine mentor haveth a whoopee cushion?" he asked Leafpool.

"No, but I do. Why are you talking in Old English? How do you know it? How do I know what it's even called? I've never heard the phrase before!"

"May I haveth thy whoopee cushion?" Firestar asked, ignoring the medicine cat's random tirade.

"Fine, be that way." She went into her den and came out with a flat rubber balloon in her mouth.

"What would beéth the object in thy fangéd maw?"

"A whoopee cushion."

"Oh. Right." He quickly grabbed it and left. Leafpool decided that it was probably time to give her leader a reality check.

Firestar ran into the warriors' den and hid the balloon under Graystripe's nest (inflating it first, of course). "He shalt never knoweth until too late!" he cackled.

Just then, Sandstorm flew into the room. Firestar never questioned how she flew, and never even thought it unnatural. He would've cared whether it had or hadn't been, anyways.

"Greetings, my love. How dost thee fareth?"

"Vescere bracis meis," she purred, then flew away.

Firestar never wondered about why Sandstorm was suddenly speaking Latin, either. When he quit the den, he saw her engaged in an active conversation with Dustpelt, still speaking Latin.

"Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!" she mewed enthusiastically. "Iam mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi. Habetis bona deum."

"What in Starclan's name are you saying, Sandstorm?" Dustpelt asked, utterly befuddled.

"Nescio. Oh! Denuone Latine loquebar?"

"Um… sure…"

"Oh, vaha."

"Whatever." Dustpelt then walked away, leaving Sandstorm with only her wizard hat from chapter 4. She sighed. Firestar walked away in confusion.

That night, as the warriors were settling down into their nests, there was a very loud, annoying sound. It came from Graystripe's nest.

"Eho!" Sandstorm exclaimed.

Graystripe got up and examined his nest, then searched it. He found the whoopee cushion and sniffed it. "Leafpool," he growled. Then he laughed a very clichéd evil laugh and scared the bejeezers out of everyone. "You will pay, Leafpool!"


End file.
